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Well, it's that time a year again. Time out to shell out the cash and plastic to buy gifts for all the poeple who have an eye-line on your wallet. And, of course, if you're lucky you got people doing the same for you.

But the eternal question remains How do you buy something for someone that they actually want without them knowing or buying it themselves? Well, if they're looking for a new TV or a video camera... Good luck. They've probably already picked it out. But here's a guide for a few stranger gadgets that people are unlikely to buy for themselves. And they probably won't return them even if they don't like them as they'll likely be too embarrassed or at least won't want the hassle as many you'll need to order online. They're not quite as off-the-wall as, say, the George Foreman USB iGrill or the iToilet, but unlike those, these items are not a joke and you can actually buy them if you choose to.

For a close personal friend who wants an up-close and personal gift

If you're looking for the perfect present for the single woman who has everything and you're not worried about her filing a restraining order against you, then the OhMiBod may the perfect gift. Running off two AA batteries, this roughly 14 centimetre-long tubular electronic device plugs into an MP3 player (though it can work independently) and will vibrate along to the music to stimulate certain areas of the female anatomy. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you might want to read this article by Ernest Gr�fenberg, the doctor for whom the G-Spot was named after. And you should order this vibrator right away so you're girlfriend doesn't dump you for your more experienced next-door neighbour who just bought a king-sized waterbed.

In addition to the OhMiBod, the site offers other so-called "vibes," the Gspot, (which is essentially the same as the OhMiBod with a more tongue-like pointed end to the wand) the Boditalk and the smaller Boditalkescort which connect to mobile phones instead of MP3 players. They all come with a free erotic CD and the recipient can share her musical favourites online at Club Vibe. (It may change her musical tastes from Stravinsky to Three 6 Mafia, if you catch my drift.) All of the vibrators are available for US$69 except for the Boditalkescort which is US$59. Additional accessories such as, lubricant, phallus-shaped sleeves and iPod garter belts can also be purchased.

For the easily amused lame-wads at the office

Perhaps a little less risqu� and far more useless is the USB Humping Dog from CUBE Products, Strapya. As the name suggests, the 6 cm tall item is a plastic dog that humps your computer. With a USB connector sticking out between its legs, you plug it into the port and the hind legs go to town, hammering back and forth into your laptop, desktop, USB hub etc. And that's basically all it does. The Japanese product isn't a flash drive as you might think. (Though there are instructions on how to mod it have memory). Out of the box, it basically is the USB equivalent of a wind-up toy. It even makes the same hissing sound. But then I guess gag gifts are supposed to be dumb so if have a friend or colleague who finds fart jokes and crude sex jokes funny, this might work. Strapya's site seems to be sold out as I write this column but there are numerous other sites you can purchase it from. Amazon.com, for example, has some starting at US$14.99. And Digital World Tokyo has them at US$17 each and you can get a three-pack for US$35. Hump-errific!

For the old school music lover

Now here's an odd gift for someone with a large record collection they're holding onto like a packrat. A USB turntable from ION Audio. As you might have guessed, the device allows you to digitize music from your LPs (45s and 78s too). I find it interesting because it seems to be aimed at a rather narrow demographic: The customers need to be old enough to still have music on vinyl and at the same be young and computer savvy enough to use it as it's not exactly a plug-and-play device. The player doesn't actually have any built-in software for digitization. It ships with Audacity which is a relatively simple audio editing program. It records music on the computer in real-time and lets you export it in various formats. (Audacity is an open source project, so if you don't get the disc for some reason you can download it free.) It should be easy for most people who are familiar to this kind of software to use, but to make each song a separate MP3 or wav file, you need to know how cut up audio tracks. Or stop recording after each tune. (My guess is the turntable would be for people in their late forties to mid fifties. And maybe DJs if they want to digitize their record scratching so they can do even less work at clubs.)

ION offers a number of models but the basic one is available at The Source for $199.99. Granted, this might be a little pricey considering it's basically a one-time use. Unless the person still stakes out used record shops on a regular basis, once they've put their albums on their hard drive, they have no more real use for the USB record player. Also, if they're a true audiophile, one that never believed the hype that CDs offered superior audio quality to LPs, then they might scoff at the whole notion of digitizing their music in the first place. But if you do know someone who is looking to back up their albums or would like to be able to listen to their Count Basie albums on their iPods, this might be just the thing to get.

For seventies gamers

If your friend's nostalgia leans more towards video games than music and has trouble getting up in the mornings than maybe what he/she needs is a Space Invaders Alarm Clock. The 92x95x85mm, 130-gram spherical clock takes two AA batteries displays icons from the popular 1978 video game. (The graphics are about on par with the original.) When the alarm goes off, horrific neon Mac-style lights will be triggered on the body of the clock as the screen will begin to play a simplified version of the game. It's quirky, but may not be worth the US$63.81 GeekStuff4U.com is charging. Supposedly, a Japanese site has it for around US$34, but I couldn't navigate it.

For the spoiled rich kid who you want in your corner

Now, if you need to find a gift to win over the son of your new girlfriend or boyfriend, and he already has a Wii, PS3 and 360, maybe TOMY's i-SOBOT will do the trick. At a height of roughly 16.51 cm, the robot is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as "the smallest humanoid robot in production." It can walk, talk, dance, perform martial arts, play soccer, play air guitar and pretend he's in a western shootout - among other things. You can program a sequence of up to 80 actions and i-SOBOT also responds to certain voice commands. It's really quite impressive. But expensive. At etoys.com, you can order it for $299.99 but that at least includes shipping. And if the kid still doesn't like you, then maybe you can find his lookalike on a street corner somewhere and pull a prince and the pauper switch. No one needs to know.

O' Tannenbaum

To end on a festive note: If you don't want to bother decorating the Christmas tree this year, why not just throw it out and buy yourself a small, pre-decorated USB-powered one. In fact, there are quite a lot to choose from. And I'm sure many electronic stores will have some in stock now. Take this NexxTech one on sale at The Source for $6.99 until December 24, for example. Sure, all the mini fake tree does is light up when you plug into the USB port but it could make the office a little less dreadful around the holidays. Unfortunately, I don't believe USB menorahs exist at the moment, but I came across at least one guy online that made his own. Maybe if you sweet talk him, he'll make one for you too.

About G4 in Canada
G4 Canada (formerly TechTV Canada) launched in September 2001. G4 is the one and only television station that is plugged into every dimension of games, gear, gadgets and gigabytes. Owned Rogers Media Inc., the channel airs more than 24 original series. G4 is available on digital cable and satellite. For more information, see www.g4tv.ca.

Tech News on G4

Gadgets for the holidays

December 03, 2007

By Adam Swimmer - G4 Canada